Bullied by Evil Babies
By Delisea
Characters:
Jack—27 years old, doesn’t like the Perpe. Loves hamburgers.
Perpe 1: likes to bully Jack and likes hamburgers. The Perpe is a big baby.
Perpe 2: he likes candy and he mostly dumb and love hamburgers.
Scene 1–street
(Jack is walking home from the library with a hamburger. Jack starts running.
Random Person: Hey! Watch where you going!
(Jack keeps running until he gets home. He leaves the door open and goes to get a bottle of water.
Perpe 1 comes storming in the door.)
Perpe 1: Where’s my candy!
Jack: I swear I don’t have it.
(Perpe 1( walks up to Jack and grabs his shirt collar.)
Perpe 2: You better have my candy bar tomorrow.
Jack: Okay, okay.
(Perpe 1 : storms out, taking Jack’s hamburger. Jack looks sad because his hamburger is gone.)
Jack (sits at table puts his head in his hands): I really need to find a way to keep those Perpes out of my way.
Scene Two—The Next Day
(Jack is eating breakfast. The phone rings.)
Jack: Hello?
Voice: You have to babysit the Perpes while I’m gone.
Jack: How long are you going to be gone?
Voice: Till Monday.
(Jack hung up fast)
Jack (groaning): What am I going to do? I don’t have any money to buy the candy bar. All I have is chewed up gum and 21 cents. The last time I had money, the Perpes robbed me almost blind.
(Knock on the door. Jack opens the door. Sam walks in.)
Jack: Hey buddy. You have 20 dollars I can borrow?
Sam: Sure. But you got to pay me back though. (Sam gives Jack 20 bucks)
(Jack grabs the 20 bucks out of his hand.)
Jack: Thanks Dude.
Sam: Do you have a library card?
Jack: No, but I know a man that has one.
Sam: Okay. Can you call and ask him if I can borrow it?
Jack: What do you need it for?
Sam: I think I want some movies I can watch from the library.
Jack: Last time I gave you a library card you had a lot of fines you owed.
Sam: Well, goodbye, I have to go now.
(Jack leaves to go to the store.)
Scene Three—At the store
Jack: Excuse me Sir, do you have any more chocolate candy bars?
Owner: No. I do not. They ran out for the season.
Jack: What? No chocolate bars? Do you know a store that has chocolate bars?
Owner: No. Sorry I do not. Try again next year.
Jack: Next year?!
(Jack leaves the store.)
Scene Four—At home
(Jack is fixing a sandwich and the doorbell rings. The Perpes come in.)
Perpe 1: Hey, you got my candy bar?
Perpe 2: Yeah, what he said.
Jack: No, but I got twenty bucks.
Perpe 1: We don’t want twenty bucks, we want the candy bar.
Jack: They’re all out for the season.
(Perpe 1 and 2 start balling up their fists.)
Perpe 1 and 2: We want our candy bar now.
Jack: You know what. I know a place that sells candy bars.
(in an aside to the audience): Actually, it’s 3000 miles away.
(to the Perpes) You stay here. You don’t want to come out and get cold. Take a nap for an hour and I’ll be right back.
Perpe 1 & 2 (with an evil smile on their faces): Okay.
(They lie down on the couch. They suck on their thumbs and go to sleep.)
Scene Five—At the airport ticket counter
Jack: One ticket for New York please.
Ticket lady: That’ll be 175 please.
Jack: Here’s my credit card.
Ticket Lady: Sorry, your cards been declined.
Jack: Here’s my other card.
Ticket Lady: I’m sorry, it happened again. We also accept checks you know.
Jack: Oh yeah. My checkbook is in my bag.
(He gets it out.)
Ticket Lady: Thank you, have a good flight.
Jack: Trust me, I will.
Scene Six—Back at Jack’s house
(Perpes are waking up.)
Perpe 1: Is Jack back yet?
Perpe 2: I don’t know.
Perpe 1: Jack? Jack? You better get out here or else I’ll hurt you.
(he waits, but no Jack)
Perpe 2: Do you think he ran away?
Perpe 1: Nah. He’s broke, they declined his credit cards.
(phone rings)
(Perpe 2 answers the phone)
Perpe 2: Hello?
Voice: Excuse me, is this Jack?
Perpe 2: Yes.
Voice: Your check for the plane ticket to New York has bounced.
(Perpe 2 hands the phone to perpe 1.)
Perpe 1: Was it a one way or round trip ticket?
Voice: One way, sir.
(hangs up phone)
Perpe 1: Oh that Jack. He tricked us.
Perpe 2: What are we going to do now? We have no food or nothing. Who is going to kiss us and tuck us in at night?
(they start crying)
The End